Dr. Wungreiso Valui
November 2018

One of our longtime church members wrote on a Connection Card, "I want to belong rather than trying to fit in." Last month I wrote an article on "From friendliness to friends and from welcoming to belonging." Someone commented that we need a GPS on making friends and belonging. I agree, and this article is meant to address those concerns.

Social and emotional isolation will become like a hunger epidemic. The challenge is real and the current standard practice of American Christianity – where people are connected, yet feel alone – is not meeting the need. We are too busy with our own lives, and there is no space for others in our daily schedule. In this most connected era ever, with social media and devices that let us communicate constantly, people still feel isolated and alone. In our post-modern society, we need to re-visit the pre-modern idea of "tribe" and understand the natural instinct of people to belong to a group.

SET A GOAL TO MAKE FRIENDS

Everything worthwhile that we do takes effort. So we need to have a plan for making friends. When you come to worship God on Sunday, make every effort to get to know three (this is a not "magical" number) people you have not met before. If you are feeling isolated and lonely, it is very likely that many of the people who come to a worship service are also feeling the same way, and that they come to worship God and to look for a new friend. This can happen in your workplace, too. In fact, you can apply this principle to any social situation. We can learn from Jesus: He had His eyes set upon the twelve disciples when he chose them as friends to follow Him.

INVITE PEOPLE TO COFFEE OR A MEAL

Food is the most basic, tried and tested vehicle for making friends. You eat food almost every day. Invite someone to join you for a meal or coffee. Food is soothing and calming. Sharing a meal is calming and allows people to lower their guard. The most profound conversations can happen during a meal or over a cup of coffee. Food nourishes both the body and the soul. It builds bridges and builds unparalleled connections. Food is one of the best ways to bring people together. Many of you go out to eat after the Sunday worship service. It's the perfect time to invite someone to join you. This holiday season also provides a great opportunity to invite someone who may be eating alone at home to your home. Jesus went as far as asking us to use our wealth to make friends: "I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves." (Luke 16:9)

BE PERSISTENT

Pursue potential friends with a genuine interest in who they are. Send an email, a text, or call them, asking them to lunch, dinner, a concert, or to go to a beach. And remember to follow up with a "Thank You!" email or note for the good time spent together. Jesus was persistent in making friendships. In fact, He invited Himself to a dinner: "Zacchaeus, make haste and come down, for today I must stay at your house." (Luke 19:5)

STAY IN TOUCH VIRTUALLY

Most of you use social media. So, in addition to posting your selfies or news about "Who let the dog out," make it a habit to comment on your friends' posts. You may have stayed up whole nights fretting about not getting any "Likes" for your wonderful and fantastic posts. Instead of worrying, congratulate your friends on a job well done when they share news about their kid's graduation, birthday, and other milestones. There are so many ways you can virtually – and genuinely – connect with your friends. Jesus said, "And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise." (Luke 6:31)